For this project, I’m really interested in creating a self portrait that captures my experience living with mental illness.
I ended up being really inspired by the Ekman Lie Detector that Golan showed us in class. While I’m not convinced by his application, I do think there’s a lot to be learned from people’s microexpressions.
I was also deeply inspired by a close friend of mine, who was hospitalized during an episode of OCD induced psychosis earlier this year. She shared her experience publicly on instagram, and watching her own and be proud of her own story felt like she lifted a weight off of my own chest. I hope that by sharing and talking about my experience, I might lift that weight off of someone else, and perhaps help myself in the process.
Throughout my life I’ve struggled with severe mental illness. Only recently have I found a treatment that is effective, but it’s not infallible. While lately I’ve been functional and generally happy, I would say I still spend on average 2-3 hours each day ruminating in anxiety and negative self talk, despite my best efforts. These thought patterns are fed by secrecy, embarrassment, and shame, so I would really like to start taking back my own power, and being open about what I’m going through, even if it’s really hard for me to tell a bunch of relative strangers something that is still so taboo in our culture.
So, personal reasons aside, I think it would be really interesting to use the high speed camera to take potrait(s) of me in the middle of ruminating, and potentially contrast that with a portrait of me when I’m feeling positively. Throughout my life folks have commented on how easy it is to know my exact feelings about a subject without even asking me, just based off my facial expressions, because I wear my feelings on my sleeve (despite my best efforts!). I’ve tried neutralizing my expressions in the past, but I’ve never really been successful, so I’m hoping that’s a quality that will come in handy while making this project. If being overly emotive is a flaw, I plan to use this project to turn it into a superpower.
I’ve also contemplated using biometric data to supplement my findings, like a heart rate or breathing monitor, but I’m not totally married to that idea yet. I think the high speed camera might be enough on it’s own, but the physiological data could be a useful addition.