Script and audio clips so far produced.  More script will likely be made to turn the board room scene into less governmental humor (which the author has been told is only funny to OTHER civil servants), and more into an outrageous Blazing Saddles slugfest ending.  Half the clips have been found to be corrupted (encompassing the half the author himself recorded) as a room change landed us somewhere with a nasty echo that was not detected until I put some headphones on.



­­Narrator: In the remote regions of the Appalachian Mountains in Pennsylvania, scientists in the Advanced Nutrition Research Laboratory under the leadership of Doctor Maritz-Maria Zarchoff have made a remarkable development.  Pause for hamburger scene A hamburger which contains all the essential nutrients for a human lifetime. Pause until rat is about to arrive  Unbeknownst to them, a rat in the Natural Intelligence Magnification Holding and Containment facility next door has escaped the Behavioral Sink constructed by Doctor Nicodemus Bumpass Schults.

Rat becomes huge, zoom on radio

Announcer: Violence has erupted at the demonstrations staged to protest the experiments being conducted at the controversial ANRL and NIMH-C are underway at – what’s that?  The lab is collapsing!  I didn’t hear an explosion but – there’s something emerging from the wreckage.  It’s huge.  It looks like…



In scene with army:

Advisor: Think I that in Germany there was

Someone who could be our savior because

Though frail of bone and of manner ribald

That man with clever pipe and vesture piebald

May still be able to use his charm

On creatures that do us harm

Call upon that ancient cipher

Time to phone the Pied Piper!

General: Never mind that stuff, just phone up Japan.  They have experience with this kind of thing.  On phone  Hello?  Japan?  We’ve got a giant monster on our hands.  Huh?  Oh, let me check to aide What is it?  Really?  OK.  On phone Giant rat.  Looks radioactive.  That’d be great, thanks.  We’ll make sure to put new missiles on when we’re done.  What’s that?  Really?  Fine, fine.  Yeah, thanks.  Hangs up  All right, we’re getting the X-9, but the AI driving it has a big ego and the princeps likes music.

Cut to summoning song – Probably a variation on Share and Enjoy

Scene with council

Councillor 1: This is preposterous!  The Unified Natural Interception Trust is tasked to consider unusual threats to humanity from our ecosystem, but a giant radioactive rat?  We’re going much too far into the improbable.

Councillor 2: It’s totally plausible.  We’ve got so much GMO flying around that anything could happen.  Right now we could –   Squashed  HAHA!  Told you!